


The Law of Seduction

by wildestranger



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-07
Updated: 2010-04-07
Packaged: 2017-10-08 18:28:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/78317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildestranger/pseuds/wildestranger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>The law of seduction takes the form of an uninterrupted ritual exchange where seducer and seduced constantly raise the stakes in a game that never ends.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

'The law of seduction takes the form of an uninterrupted ritual exchange where seducer and seduced constantly raise the stakes in a game that never ends.'  
Jean Baudrillard – _Seduction_

  
When Sirius Black, naked from the waist up and still wet from his shower, stretches three inches from Remus' face for the tenth time in a week, Remus Lupin decides he has had enough. There have been hints (So, Moony, would you ever fancy Peter? James? _Me_?), and strange tales (yeah I went to this Muggle bar and there were all these blokes dressed in leather eyeing me up), all equally unsubtle. There has been much display of nudity for various convoluted reasons (I was cooking dinner and the sauce splashed on my shirt and ate it all away! _It was licking me_!). But there is a limit to Remus' patience and his tolerance for a naked Sirius, despite attempts to prove the contrary.

He had brought a man, a date, to James and Lily's engagement party. His friends had known he fancied both men and women, but they had never seen him with another man. Apparently the sight of Remus passionately snogging Tom Dearborn, former Ravenclaw Quidditch captain and a few years ahead of them in school, had done something strange to Sirius. When Lily was making humming noises and whispering something to James that made him blush, and Peter was giggling in a drunken fashion, Sirius was staring at Remus and scowling. His cheekbones were red and his mouth, still bearing the signs of a bottle and a half of 1969 St. Emilion, was a long curving line. Remus had looked away, and Sirius hadn't said anything to Remus, or answered any of the amused comments Lily had made for the rest of the evening. But the next day he had gone shopping in Muggle London and bought a leather jacket, a motorcycle, and a dog collar. Remus wonders about Sirius' reading habits.

When Sirius had started to look at him with calculating eyes, and asking Lily all kinds of outrageous questions that shocked James (mostly because of the assumption that she would know, Remus suspects), Remus had began to develop a counter attack. It isn't unlike Sirius to assume that everybody in the world fancies him, and as far as Remus knows, everyone does. But to take the leap from that to thinking that since one of your best friends is bisexual he is therefore your chance of experimentation, is stupid even by Sirius' standards (There is a list. Don't ask.). And to think that because Sirius is beautiful and charming he can effortlessly seduce his friend, is insulting.

Remus decides to take it personally.

: :

He knows his true smile is rare, and so when he hears James shouting something incoherent in Prongs'n'Padfoot language he allows his face to be carried away by the story Lily was telling. He looks down, lifts he corners of his mouth, and then his eyes, shining with delight, but more than that, with trust. The sound of the door makes him look down again, then back at Lily with guilty pleasure, but he is calm to face the astonished looks of James and Sirius. James walks to Lily and lifts his hand to her face, then turns victoriously to look at Remus. But Remus is looking at Sirius, traces of his smile still in his eyes, and enjoying the sight of Sirius' scowl.

He is accustomed to covering most of his body with long sleeves and too-large trousers. In combination with his habit of sitting by his books for several hours, he is able to develop a new routine of standing up and stretching every few hours, not with unabashed abandon like Sirius, but with lifting his arms above his head, his hands falling back by his elbows, implicit with the desire to let go but not quite allowing himself. There is also a thin stretch of bare skin as his shirt rises, and the low-hung trousers, usually covered by his shirt, reveal hipbones and pale freckled skin. He makes a point of facing away from Sirius, and pretends ignorance of his voyeur. He even keeps from smiling when Sirius excuses himself to go take another shower.

There are moments when he thinks about whether he is being cruel, playing with Sirius. But then he thinks of Sirius dripping and naked on his new carpet, and decides he is justified.

He takes Tom to Frank and Alice's wedding, and slips with him to the men's bathroom ten minutes after Sirius has gone in. He closes the door behind them with a bang, and presses Tom against it.

"We'll be quiet. No one will know."

Tom is making noises at the back of his throat as Remus sucks on his neck, and the sound of his flies being opened is eloquent in the silent room. Remus doesn't usually speak much during sex, but something about this situation makes him want to say filthy things, what he is going to do, what a slut Tom is for wanting this, how he is going to be _fucked_. Mouthing these things to the other man's stomach while he strokes his thighs, hearing only the rush of blood in his ears and the quiet moan from the neighboring stall, Remus takes Tom's cock in his mouth.

It hasn't occurred to him to be proud of what he can do, what he can make other people do. It has never been a question of ego stroking, how much pleasure he can bring or how skilled he is. But now Remus wants to make sure Sirius understood that he _knows_, knows what to do to make a man scream and bite his fist and fall against the door because his legs can't handle it anymore. And make sure that Sirius thinks about what that means.

When Sirius emerges from the bathroom, twenty minutes after Remus and Tom have left it, he looks pale and exhausted, and Remus is sure he has thought about it.

: :

Remus has never been easy with touching his friends. Casual slaps on the back, friendly hugs have been things he has preferred to avoid. But for the purpose of his plan it is necessary to start touching people, kissing Lily on the cheek, punching Peter's shoulder (who looks ridiculously pleased) and just punching James (who looks proud). He doesn't touch Sirius, but he touches others in front of Sirius, and almost allows his knees to bump against Sirius' or moves his hands as he speaks so that they almost touch his friend. Sirius seems easily distracted by the movement of his hands, and Remus spends many enjoyable evenings telling tales with accompanying gestures.

It is so easy. But then Sirius looks at him, without embarrassment, without caring that he is seen to be watching. He smiles at Remus, not the wicked grin that brought despair to teachers and fainting fits to young girls, but an open, delighted smile, all the more irresistible for not being calculated. Or at least looking like it isn't. Remus allows himself to begin smiling back, with half a blush and half a glint of determination. They spend many moments smiling at each other, which makes Lily raise an eyebrow and James call them a pair of girls. Remus brings a new tone to his voice when he speaks to Sirius, a suggestion of rare wickedness that might be revealed at the right persuasion. He learns to use his facial expressions to convey shyness, amusement, flirtation.

He tells Sirius that he's broken up with Tom, that it wasn't working, not what he wants. This is the first time he's spoken to any of his friends about his relationships. He doesn't look at Sirius all the time he is talking, stares at his hands, his shoes, Sirius' shoes. When he's finished, Sirius claps him in the back, and says in a loud voice that there are plenty of other fish in the sea, that Remus is still young and should have more fun. He doesn't quite succeed in keeping the grin from his face when he says this, but Remus does, when he hears it.

: :

When Sirius begins to do things for Remus, little things that wouldn't notice unless you were looking, Remus thinks it's time to finish this. He finds it difficult to justify taking presents, a box of chocolates on a rainy day, a rare book when he's fired from yet another job. And Sirius' look when he gives them, half hopeful and half desperate, is too much for this game. Remus thinks how easily he would fall under Sirius' spell if he didn't know what was going on, if he took this seriously. This kind of cruelty is no longer careless, and Remus is suddenly furious with Sirius, with how easily he is willing to destroy his friends for the sake of some fun.

Remus makes his plans for James and Lily's wedding.

: :

As Sirius falls casually against Remus, the contact justified by excessive drunkenness that Sirius has practiced for many years, Remus doesn't pull away. He puts a hand behind Sirius' back, and leads him inside the house to sober up, away from the other guests and the blistering sunshine that hurts his head. Sirius is quiet as they walk.

Then he pushes Remus against the wall and kisses him, his hands in Remus' hair and his body warm against his, chest to chest, thighs against thighs, slowly grinding and shaking with pent-up frustration. But Sirius' mouth isn't what Remus had expected. His lips are soft as they suck on Remus' lower lip, almost hesitant, and his tongue in the corner of Remus' mouth caresses his skin with wonder. Sirius' eyes are open and he is looking at Remus, serious and intent, until Remus has to close his eyes. He kisses back, allows himself to give in for a moment, and the moan in Sirius' throat makes him shiver. Sirius' fingers are on Remus' back now, lifting his shirt and stroking his shoulder blades with careful fingers. This isn't drunken foolishness, not a stupid snog with a mate, and anger wells inside Remus again, how can he do this, how can he bear to do this. He pulls away.

"Is this what you wanted then?"

Sirius stares at him, his mouth still open and bitten and red.

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't this what you wanted? To take advantage of me?"

Sirius' mouth closes, and opens, and closes again. He moves back.

"Taking advantage? What the fuck are you on about?"

"Fancied a pull, did you? Wanted to see what it was like, with a man, so you thought let's try Remus, he shags blokes! He'll be up for it, since you are Sirius Black and everybody wants you! He should be grateful!"

"What the fuck, Moony! What are you talking about? It isn't like that, of course it isn't! How can you even think that!"

"Why wouldn't I think that? You forget that I know you. What else has this been, walking naked all over the place, flirting with me, giving me presents?"

"I was just…because I _like_ you! And you've been doing the same! All this time, flirting with me, smiling at me, talking…are you saying you've been pretending? That you've been leading me on?"

"Don't lie, Sirius. You've just been bored and horny, and you can't admit it."

Sirius steps closer again. His mouth is still soft, and wet with their saliva. Remus keeps his eyes on Sirius'.

"You've been playing with me, haven't you, Moony? All that stuff, everything we've done, has been just to get back at me, cause you don't believe I was being serious? No pun intended."

Remus says nothing. He feels sick suddenly.

"Well, you were wrong. I like you. I'm not playing with you, I'm not using you. I wouldn't do that."

Sirius presses his mouth against Remus,' once, twice, then pulls back.

"You might want to think about what is it that you want."

As Sirius walks away, Remus collapses against the wall, and gives in to the nausea.  



	2. Chapter 2

"You're an idiot."

"Cheers."

"No, really."

"James Potter is calling me an idiot . Tell me, James, are you familiar with the concept of irony?"

James smiles, but his eyes are serious.

"You're supposed to be the clever one. If Sirius or me did something like that it would be because we don't know any better. But you would know better, you'd know it would make him feel used and worthless. Either that, or you're an idiot, and I don't want to think one of my best mates is that manipulative, and so you're an idiot."

"You trying to make me feel worse, aren't you?"

"Is it working?"

Remus is sitting with James in the pub a week later. They're both hungover, and Lily is flitting about somewhere trying to convince the landlord to serve them some food. She has already given him a similar lecture, about friendship and trust and how could Remus ever think that. Even Peter was annoyed at him, and had pointed out that Sirius was hardly subtle enough to make such a performance. Remus finds that he agrees with them all.

"You need to sort it out, mate."

"I know."

"Soon. Or I'll have to take exception to your breaking my best friend's heart."

"I haven't broken Sirius' heart! It's not like that!"

James gives him a look that is clearly trying to say something. Remus decides he doesn't understand what it might mean.

: :

Remus likes to think that when he fucks up, he also takes responsibility for his actions. He prepares a list of things he needs to say to Sirius, an apology for shouting at him, an apology for misleading him. These are things he needs to say, despite the awkwardness, and he repeats them in his head so many times that the thought of talking to Sirius no longer makes him cringe.

He understands that while Sirius' curiosity might have lead him to think he fancies Remus, his loyalty to his friends would not allow him to do so without any show of affection. Remus doesn't doubt Sirius sincerity, he is willing to believe that Sirius believes he likes Remus that way. But this is something they don't need to talk about. Sirius would only insist, and it would be awkward. So he will be careful, and polite, and friendly.

He will say that it would be a bad idea. They are friends, and sex would only complicate things. Ruin their friendship.

It sounds pompous in his own head too.

: :

Remus has avoided Sirius for the past week. He stayed at work till late, avoided Order meetings, made as little noise as possible when at home. It was only when he fell asleep on the sofa one afternoon, and woke up to an empty flat, that he realized Sirius was avoiding him as well. And doing a much better job of it. Now Remus has taken to sitting on the living room sofa, a pile of books and endless cups of coffee by his side.

When he hears the sound of the door opening, he turns the page but doesn't pretend to move his eyes.

"Hello, Remus."

It takes him too long to lift his eyes from the book, and by the time he has prepared and answer, Sirius has already left the room. He can hear the sounds of water running in the bathroom a minute later, but is, nevertheless, not prepared for the sight of Sirius, dressed in a very small towel and dripping on the living room carpet, standing in front of him. Again. Remus has a very bad feeling about this.

There is a drop of water just next to Sirius' left nipple, which, under Remus' eyes, moves down over his stomach, over the few strands of black hair rising above the towel, and dissolves on Sirius' hipbone. Remus forgets to close his eyes and has to blink many times when Sirius speaks.

"I have decided to let you take advantage of me."

Remus blinks again, just to be sure he heard it right. He tries not to look at Sirius' smile, but what he sees from the corner of his eye makes him uncomfortable. Sirius has moved closer, and one drop of water is threatening to fall on Remus' knee.

Remus opens his mouth to speak but then Sirius straddles him and all breath leaves his body. His trousers are starting to get wet, but he's almost sure it's from the towel. Sirius is sitting on his stomach, his hands leaning on the sofa, and his face is slowly moving closer.

Remus has to speak now.

"What if I don't want to take advantage of you?"

Remus can see Sirius' teeth now. There are wet fingers opening his shirt.

"I would say you're lying. Unless you've changed the place where you keep your wand. And unless those aren't your fingers on my back."

Remus realizes that his hands are in fact on Sirius' back, stroking the skin just above the towel.

"This is a bad idea."

Remus is pleased to discover his brain is still working. Yet it seems to have no effect on Sirius.

Sirius becomes serious, and licks his lower lip. Remus feels faint.

"Are you saying you don't want me?"

The silence stretches, and Remus' hands become still.

"Right. Well, this is embarrassing."

Sirius is trying to get up but Remus grabs his hips, and the towel is accidentally dislodged in the tussle.

"Sirius. Sirius! It isn't that, of course it isn't, how could I not…but you know it's a bad idea. I shouldn't…bad idea."

Sirius has stopped struggling, but the tension in his body is affecting Remus as well.

"Why don't you let me decide that? Seeing as I'm the one being taken advantage of?"

Sirius has moved closer again, and Remus can feel his breath on his lips as he speaks. Then Sirius' mouth is on his, slowly licking his lips, and Remus moans because this is what he's been remembering all week. This touch, this feeling, and oh it's so good. Sirius' fingers return to opening his shirt, and soon he can feel the wet warmth of Sirius' skin against his chest. Remus drops the towel to the floor, and slides his hands down Sirius' sides, thumbs delicate over his ribs, settling down over his hipbones. Sirius grinds his arse over Remus' crotch and they both stop breathing. Remus makes a slight flexing motion and watches Sirius' eyes roll over.

"God, you're really good at this."

Sirius whispers on Remus' cheek, and Remus can't resist the urge to flex his hips again.

"You could teach me. Professor Lupin."

Remus tries not to think about whether Sirius has done this before, but he clearly does know how to use his tongue on a human body, how to blow warm air on nipples and how to tease them with licks, and bites, and sucking. How to flick a tongue on a hipbone, swirling circles around and roughly lap at the sensitive skin at the juncture of stomach and thigh. The rest he improvises, and Remus thinks Sirius must have thought about how to do this beforehand, and then he stops thinking completely.

"How was that? Professor?"

Sirius licks his lips. Remus looks at him, naked and lying on top of Remus, mouth wet with kisses and fingers wet from the shower and other things. And he wants Remus.

This is what he has told himself he should never want. And yet, it occurs to him, he has never wanted anything more.

Remus reaches up, takes Sirius' face between his hands, and kisses him. He flips them over, and pushes Sirius on the floor. As Sirius is laughing he gives in to the urge to touch and to kiss and makes sure Sirius understands how much he is wanted at this moment. And despite what Sirius might have read (Remus shudders, then shudders again as Sirius moans beneath his hands), there are things you cannot learn from books, things he knows how to do that Sirius might not have thought of.

He pays particular attention to Sirius' thighs, muscled from many hours of riding a broomstick, and lifts Sirius' legs to lick behind his knees. And as Sirius twitches, and bites his lips, Remus moves closer to his arse, and breathes on the sensitive skin. Sirius twitches again.

Remus doesn't usually enjoy this, but Sirius has just had a shower and he is quickly coming undone under Remus' mouth, shaking and kicking and moaning. Fair payback after what he did to Remus, fair payback for all the teasing, fair payback for making Remus a puddle of lust on the sofa.

He delves his tongue deep inside Sirius, and his fingers strengthen their grip on the base of Sirius' cock. Sirius is shaking uncontrollably now, twitching every time Remus' tongue touches him, and every time he waits for Remus to touch him.

"Remus. Please. Remus."

Remus lifts himself up higher on top of Sirius' body until they are face to face. Sirius' cheeks are flushed, and he is breathing in short bursts. Remus feels smug.

He kisses the spot beneath Sirius' ear, bites his earlobe and slides his hand along the top of Sirius' cock. Sirius jerks, presses his mouth against Remus', and comes on Remus' hand crying _Moonymoonymoony._

"All right there, Padfoot?"

Sirius looks at him, and smiles, that same open, irresistible smile, and Remus can't help but smile in return.

"Perfect."

Another grin.

"Should have done this years ago."

Remus feels his smile disappearing.

"And what have we done, precisely?"

Sirius looks at him, and loses his smile. He lifts his hand to Remus' chest.

"Well, as I understand it, we just had sex on the living room floor."

"This is a bad idea."

"So you keep saying."

"Well, it is! We're supposed to be mates, but sex, sex complicates things, even if it is just shagging with no emotional involvement. It will ruin our friendship."

"With no emotional involvement?"

Sirius removes his hand from Remus' chest, and Remus feels urges he chooses not to name.

"Somehow I don't think you should be giving me any lectures on friendship."

Sirius gets up and walks to his room, slamming the door. As Remus picks up the wet towel, he finds he cannot blame Sirius for being melodramatic.

: :

 

The next day Remus tries to construct another apology. He spends the evening waiting for Sirius, sitting on the sofa fortified by Victorian novels, but he doesn't show up. Remus goes to bed at midnight, and wakes up at one o'clock, when Sirius comes to his bed. He says "This is what you want, right?" but doesn't let Remus answer, just kisses him and licks him all over until Remus is whimpering and biting his fist. He falls asleep with Sirius' arms around him

They settle into a pattern. Sirius comes to his bed at night and seduces him with soft hands and warm lips. Remus stops saying this is a bad idea, and when Sirius smiles at him, he gives half-exasperated smiles in return. They don't talk about feelings, but Remus is getting nervous about what he is learning to read in Sirius' sudden caresses and excited voice. He lies in bed at night and allows Sirius to touch him, and teaches him what to do with hands and lips. He tries not to pay attention to the goose bumps on his stomach and the hum in his blood whenever Sirius is near.

He tells himself he isn't taking advantage of an infatuated Sirius, because it is Sirius who comes to his bed, and anyway, Sirius doesn't really fancy him. He does, however, wonder whether the delusion is contagious. And whether the unsteady feeling he gets in his stomach when Sirius looks at him is really a new development.

: :

The list of things Remus won't talk about is getting smaller, and its boundaries more fluid. Sirius has never asked him about his transformations, but now he does, and Remus, stunned into thoughtless contentment by Sirius' stories about being a dog, and Sirius' fingers on his knee, tells him. Sirius talks about his family, what his cousins used to do when he was little, what they made him watch, and later, to do. He talks about his brother, how they used to hide from their mother and the house-elves and tell marvelous stories to each other, and how these days Regulus looks away when he sees his brother. Sirius tells him of his last girlfriend, and why it didn't work out, and how he started wondering about boys. He is careful not to talk about their relationship, and Remus is grateful. He starts to think about what stories he could tell, what scars he could show. Sirius doesn't ever ask, but whenever Remus tells him something, he takes hold of Remus' hands and starts to suck on his fingers. Remus wonders sometimes if this is meant to produce a Pavlovian reaction in him.

: :

Remus doesn't know what Sirius has told their friends, but when James and Lily and Peter come for dinner in their flat, they all give him strange looks. Remus allows himself to relax after they've shared two bottles of wine, but when Sirius brings in the dessert wearing an apron, James seems to decide he's had enough.

"I realise that you're shagging and all, but do you have to look like his wife?"

"Maybe this is their way of telling us that they're happy and in love?"

Lily is smiling, and Sirius smiles back, but the tension is the room makes the hair on Remus' neck stand up.

"Oh Remus doesn't love me, he's just using me for my body."

Sirius is still grinning, but everybody else is wearing various expressions of shock on their face. Then they turn to look at Remus.

"Right."

Remus stands up and stumbles to the door. Sirius is saying something about a joke behind him, but he concentrates on not listening, and just walking through the door, getting his coat, walking through the front door.

: :

It shouldn't surprise him. Sirius likes to make jokes like that, likes to shock people. He doesn't really think that.

And Remus isn't using Sirius for his body because he is quite clearly in love with Sirius. It isn't even about how he should know better than to fall in love with his gorgeous friend, who has left more broken hearts behind than you could shake a stick at (and Remus suddenly feels the urge to do just that, shake a stick at them, for what did they know, silly girls, silly boys, they didn't even know Sirius, how dare they call themselves brokenhearted). He quite obviously couldn't help himself, and Sirius hasn't done anything wrong. On the contrary, he has given Remus everything he could want, things he didn't even know he wanted, and without asking anything in return. It hadn't occurred to Remus how much he kept from his friends, how much, despite all the proclamations of friendship he has made to them and to himself, he doesn't trust them. But Sirius gives without concerns for dignity or embarrassment.

He needs to speak out. He needs to speak to Sirius. He needs to speak.

: :

"It was only a joke."

"I know."

Sirius was waiting for him in the kitchen, dirty plates piled up for the morning and Sirius' next burst of energy. He is still wearing the apron.

"You remember two days ago, in the morning, in the bathroom? When I came in when you were in the shower, and we…"

"You were still half-asleep, and you had these marks from the sheets on your arms, and you were leaning against the tiles, with your eyes closed. And I was thinking…you have these freckles on your stomach, and in some places they're in little clusters and in some places there's just a few, and I just had to…you were so beautiful. Are so beautiful. I don't ever not want to touch you, and that's why I keep coming and molesting you all the time, I just can't help myself, you're just so _Moony_. And that's not fair on you."

"I know you don't really want me. And you're right, it is a bad idea. So we should stop."

Sirius starts to untie the apron around his waist, but it's too tight, and he has to tear it free.

"I'm going to stay with James and Lily for a few days. I need to find a place of my own. But don't worry, the rent's covered till the end of the month."

Remus thinks that he really must say something now, but his mouth won't open and his feet feel like they're about to crumble.

"I'm sorry but I can't live with you anymore. Being around you all the time is too much, and I don't think I could stop touching you. See, I'm trying to be mature here."

There's a light smile in the curve of Sirius' mouth, but Remus knows it isn't intended to mean what smiles usually mean.

"So, I guess I'll be seeing you."

As the door closes behind Sirius, Remus decides he will never trust himself with words again.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus watches Sirius flirt with strange men in pubs, being playful and dangerous and seductive, both the performance and its audience being generally captivating. He doesn't even have the option of pretending not to notice, as James keeps talking to him about it.

"This is all your fault."

"How is it all my fault? Surely it's always all you fault? Or always Sirius' fault?"

"It's all your fault because you broke his heart!"

Remus sighs. They've had this conversation a few times, and it doesn't get any less frustrating.

"Sirius doesn't really want me, James, if he did he wouldn't have left…"

But James clearly enjoys his part. Lily doesn't usually allow him to swear.

"You bloody coward, it isn't about what Sirius wants; he's made himself clear! It's you who won't make up your bloody mind. Sirius laid himself out for you and you didn't have the guts to tell him that you wanted him! You've been giving him those moony eyes for years…"

"I have not!"

"…but you can't handle it when you get what you want."

Remus makes a good impression of shocked outrage, but it doesn't seem to have any effect on James, who patiently stares at him until he deflates.

"Sirius doesn't want me now."

James sighs in turn and speaks as if to a toddler, or a Sirius.

"Well, you need to convince him otherwise, then, don't you?"

They turn to look at Sirius. He is standing by the bar, talking to a young man with impossibly blond hair who is almost as beautiful as Sirius himself. As they watch, Sirius grins, lowers his eyelids and bends to whisper something in the other man's ear. Sirius is all moving hands, suggestive eyebrows, smirks that make you want to slap him and kiss him and turn the sarcasm in the corner of his mouth into real joy. The blond man leans back with a different kind of seduction. There is a challenge, to unsettle him, to cause a reaction and make him look less cold. Remus smiles absent-mindedly and thinks about how very good Sirius is at doing just that. But the nausea swells in his stomach, once again, when he remembers that this is what happened. And then didn't.

"Go speak to him."

It takes a moment for Remus to realise James is talking to him, and to remember who James is.

But it isn't the stern look James gives him or the poking in his ribs that makes him stand up and move carefully towards the bar.

: :

"Hello, Sirius."

The blond man turns around, looks up and down at his body, and turns back. Remus smiles with his teeth at Sirius over the other man's shoulder. One thing you can count on is Sirius' loyalty to his friends and his intolerance of any perceived insults to them. As Sirius leans and whispers something to the other man's ear, Remus is pleased to see that the cool composure can be shattered. But he won't ask what Sirius said; it will be more enjoyable to imagine it, later, in detail. The blond man leaves, and Remus steps up as Sirius moves closer.

"How's it going, Moony?"

There is no calculated seduction in Sirius' pose. His smile is easy, and he is leaning forward in a way that disrupts the perfect line of his posture. Remus grips the counter of the bar a little harder.

"I'm sorry to see your friend leave. Did he not want to stay longer?"

Sirius leans closer with a look that says he knows just what Remus has done, and that he only allows it because he has thought of something better to do.

"Did you like him? I could call him back, if you like."

A delicate black eyebrow is raised and Remus feels more comfortable at this sign of Black superiority.

"I'm surprised you told him to go in the first place. You made a pretty couple."

Sirius smiles, slowly, and this is dangerous no matter what his intentions.

"You enjoyed watching us, didn't you? What more would like to see, Moony? Would you like to see me fucking him, bending him over this nice barstool here and see how red that pale skin could go? Or would you prefer him on his knees, taking my cock in his mouth?"

But Sirius' words don't have their usual effect of making Remus blush and squirm and want to bend Sirius over a barstool. Instead there is the now familiar unsteadiness in his stomach, an emptiness that no amount of healthy food and tea can fill. He doesn't want to see Sirius fucking another man. The idea of Sirius with anybody else makes him feel sick, no matter how often he tries to get used to the idea and become prepared to handle it in public.

However, there is no need to learn to handle it just now, as Sirius is looking at something over Remus' shoulder and frowning and biting his lip. The sight of him makes Remus' blood flow again.

"What the hell is he doing here? Did you ask him to come?"

Remus turns around and sees Tom Dearborn, looking at them with a slight smile on his lips. Tom winks at them, and Sirius swears.

: :

Tom's hands are still warm and strong and his mouth is hot and eager on Remus' body, but there is something wrong. There is satisfaction in having Tom here and knowing that Sirius knows it, but his smile doesn't make Remus dizzy and his hair isn't dark enough. The contrast with his skin doesn't make Remus press his face into his neck, breathless before such beauty. And his voice doesn't make Remus hands tremble; instead they lie cold and unmoved on Tom's back.

"Tom. Tom. I'm sorry. But this. I can't do this. I'm sorry."

Tom lifts his head, and Remus almost feels regret when his mouth leaves Remus' cock. But Tom smiles.

"I thought as much. It's Black, isn't it? I knew he was always making eyes at you, but I reckoned that as long as he just ogled you from behind Potter's back and gave me filthy looks, I stood a good chance. So you finally figured out that he fancies you?"

Remus opens his mouth and closes it. He watches Tom's eyes move down and back up.

"I see you have some things to sort out still. If it doesn't work out, let me know, yeah?"

Tom presses his mouth to Remus', soft and slow and almost chaste, and then gets up and walks out.

Remus is getting tired of staring at the door after people have left.

: :

Sirius comes to pick up his stuff and smiles when he sees Remus waiting on the sofa, almost hidden in books.

"I thought you didn't like Dickens."

"I don't. I just thought I'd better make sure I know precisely what I don't like about him."

"I see."

Sirius goes to his room, and Remus is careful to turn a few pages so that he looks like he is reading rather than listening to the noises coming from the other room. He used to be more dignified about things like that, wouldn't allow himself to be so desperately eager for Sirius' attention. Now he settles for trying to hide his anxiety. He can hear clothes flying though the air and boxes being transfigured smaller. Then footsteps. Remus begins to move his eyes on the page.

"Are you going out with Tom?"

Remus looks up, stares at the wall and remembers what happened with Tom. He finds he doesn't want to look at Sirius.

"No."

"He's in love with you."

The familiar bitterness shakes Remus out of his memories, and he turns to face Sirius who is standing in the middle of the living room, holding a motorcycle helmet against his hip.

"He's deluded, then."

This he knows how to say, knows what it means and takes comfort in it. Sirius steps forward, but is still to far to touch. Remus makes sure his hands are still in his lap.

"You think love is a delusion? Not that you're deluded yourself, of course. Or care too much about your delusions to actually. Fuck."

"My delusions? Like you're. What. How."

Sirius tilts his head and watches Remus spluttering, disinterested curiosity evident on his face. But his fingers are stroking the helmet in a rapid movement and there's alertness in his pose, a readiness to pounce or explode. His voice is clear and steady, and successful in slowly unravelling Remus.

"But you care too much about your pride to admit that, don't you?"

They stare at each other for a few moments. Then Sirius shakes his head, and starts to walk away. Remus struggles to stand up, books falling down all around him. He shouts after him, voice cracking and showing far too much.

"And what about your pride?"

Sirius doesn't turn and his words aren't loud, but, nevertheless, Remus finds he has to sit down when Sirius speaks.

"I gave it up for you."

And then he's gone, and Remus is staring at the door and thinking about throwing Dickens across the room.

: :

Remus finds he no longer cares about what James and Lily tell him. There's only so much they can say, and he says it better himself. He has long been familiar with rhetorically charming statements about his inability to speak honestly to his friends. And he has never cared that much about what Peter says; he is a friend, a fellow Marauder, but not someone whose opinion Remus would value that much. And yet it is a shock to realise that it's Peter who makes him understand what he must do.

"Well, you know. That's just Sirius. That's what he's like."

They are sitting at the pub and Peter is telling him about another bloke that Sirius is supposedly seeing. Remus is momentarily shocked that Peter would be tactless enough to be telling him that, but then remembers that he told Peter to behave as if nothing had happened. And he rather wants to know.

"I mean, he's always had lots of girlfriends. Now that it's boys, well, it makes sense that there'd be many. It's not like he'd be happy with just one."

Peter's pale eyes are staring at him, suddenly worried that he might have said something wrong. But that's not why Remus is angry.

When they were…whatever they were, Sirius was happy. He didn't go out without Remus, in fact he avoided going out when Remus was home. And he wasn't Sirius Black, the seducer of innocent hearts and less innocent bodies. He wasn't looking for attention or for the adoration due to Sirius Black because of his beauty or his charm or his heritage.

"And you'll meet up with someone new. Someone more…quiet, less demanding. Someone who likes books, like you do."

Peter is smiling at him, and it is entirely possible that he doesn't realise how insulting he is.

Remus is quiet, often. But there are times when he needs not to be. And he reads books, loves them but that is not a sign of his quietness, or something that separates him from people like Sirius. Sirius reads, and not just to tease Remus with pornographic extracts from his favourite poets. But there is something else in what Peter has just said, something that disturbs him far more.

What Sirius demands from him. What he demands from Sirius, and from himself.

: :

He knows there's a good chance Sirius might not be alone, but when a strange man, wearing nothing but a towel, opens the door he is still flabbergasted. Fortunately, the other man seems equally surprised, which gives Remus time to collect himself.

"Is Sirius here?"

The man gives him a once-over and moves away. A minute later, Sirius appears.

"Moony? What are you doing here?"

Remus swallows, but forces himself to keep looking at Sirius.

"I wanted to talk to you."

Sirius stares, but the casualness of his pose suggests less casual thoughts. He turns away, looks back inside the flat.

"I'm kind of in the middle of something right now."

Remus puts his hands in his pockets. He could walk back home, and spend the next three weeks picking up the courage to try again.

"Right. Should I come back later, then…"

"Just give me a minute."

Sirius has disappeared behind the door. Remus hears muffled voices, a crack of Disapparating, and then Sirius comes back.

"Come on in."

They walk through the hallway into the living room. This flat is bigger than the one they used to share and the furniture is new and expensive. Remus doesn't sit down.

"What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

"I'm in love with you."

Sirius stares at him. Remus knows better than to expect to see anything, but he can't help looking at the straight line of Sirius' mouth and the unmoveable curve of his eyebrows. There is a long silence.

"You. What?"

Sirius voice is an incredulous whisper that breaks at the end.

"I'm in love with you."

Remus keeps his eyes steady on Sirius' face, but can't help loosening his lips at the look of helplessness on his face.

"I thought you said love was a delusion."

Remus can hear that Sirius is careful to control whatever emotions his words might have caused. But this isn't about what Sirius is prepared to do.

"Perhaps it is. But I…"

Remus pushes his nails into his palms.

"I love you."

Sirius' eyes are wide and his lips are dry. Remus watches as a pink tongue licks the lower lip, and Sirius coughs.

"Right."

Sirius blinks and makes a few hand movements that Remus can't see because he must keep looking at Sirius' face.

"Wait here."

Sirius' voice is sharp and reveals nothing. He walks out into the hallway with careful steps and goes into one of the other rooms. There are noises, but Remus can't bear to pay attention, the blood in his ears is too loud.

"Come here!"

Remus walks across the corridor and through an open door. There is a huge wooden bed in the centre, pine cupboards and bookshelves covering the walls. And Sirius, sitting on the bed. His eyes are hard.

"Take your clothes off."

Sirius voice is quiet, but his enunciation is clear and there is no shyness in what he says.

"Take them all off."

Remus closes the door behind him and steps forward. He lifts his hands to his collar and starts to undo the buttons.

It's easy, really. It's easy because Sirius is in front of him, looking like he can't quite believe Remus is doing this. And because he knows he must show something, offer something to Sirius that he would not do for himself. A thing that demands something from him, action rather than passivity, movement rather than stasis.

Remus drops his boxers on the floor beside him and looks at Sirius. There is no smile on his face.

"Touch yourself. And tell me what you're thinking about."

Remus' hand on his hip jerks and he closes his eyes. This, of course, is what Sirius wants. And what he has to give. Words rather than silence.

But when he opens his eyes he sees such longing in Sirius' eyes, such uncertainty, and something else that he'll have to learn to talk about.

He puts his hand on his cock, strokes a few times. His fingers are unsteady but when his thumb slides along the vein underneath his cock, he shivers.

"What are you thinking about?"

Remus licks his lips and moves his hand in a leisurely rhythm.

"I'm thinking about how you looked like the first time I fucked you. My fingers were inside you and you were so tight, and you were biting your lips and groaning. I could see that my fingers were hurting you, but that you wanted it too, wanted it more, and you were sweating and trembling and moaning my name. And all I could think about was how your fingers would feel inside me, how you'd feel inside me. Looking at you, I could _feel_ it."

Remus' hand is slippery on his cock, he's hot and sweaty and losing control of his hand, but he can't stop now. And he's remembering Sirius, what it felt like, and looking at Sirius now. Sirius who hasn't moved except to grab the sheets more tightly in his fists.

"What else?"

Remus stills his hand.

"Just that. Just you."

Sirius stands up, stretches out a hand.

"Come here."

Remus doesn't move. Sirius steps closer, trails a hand on Remus' shoulder.

"Moony."

Remus lets out a breath and then Sirius is kissing him, licking the corner of his mouth and dragging his teeth over Remus' lips. One of his hands is on Remus' neck, pulling him closer, and the other one is stroking his stomach, tiny circles calculated to make him grind desperately against Sirius. Sirius' fingers slide casually over Remus' cock, catching the slit in a movement that makes Remus twitch and bite Sirius' neck. And then his hands are tearing at Sirius' clothes, buttons flying everywhere and fingers forgetting their purpose as new flesh is revealed, dearly memorised and beloved flesh that is begging to be touched again.

Sirius pulls him backwards into the bed and their teeth clash against each other. Then Sirius turns them over and pushes Remus on his back. He lifts Remus' legs over his shoulders. They stare at each other.

"All right, Moony?"

Remus nods and licks his lips. He hopes Sirius isn't going to ask him to speak now.

"I'm going to fuck you. But first I'm going to have my fingers inside you. Then you can see. What it feels like."

Sirius' hands are stroking Remus' thighs, but Remus doesn't stop shaking, not when Sirius' fingers are spreading a cold liquid over him or when Sirius presses kisses on the sensitive skin behind his knee, inside his thighs, on his belly. But as Sirius moves up his body, his face eye level with Remus as one long finger enters him, Remus stops breathing. Sirius' lips against his mouth aren't calm, but they make him loosen his hold on Sirius' arms and turn the grip into a caress.

"Remus."

Sirius' fingers are stretching him, and there is pain and fullness and want as Remus bucks against him. He can taste Sirius' breath on his mouth, lust and fear, sweet and heavy on his tongue.

"Want you."

Remus' whisper is quiet but Sirius hears it and looks shattered, like he doesn't know what to do with that. But he pushes on regardless, and when Remus' harsh breathing turns into ragged moans, he pulls out, and pushes back in. Every time Sirius moves Remus lets out an incomprehensible noise, a whimper of something that he can't control, drawn out by Sirius' fingers on his hipbones and Sirius' cock filling him. Sirius' mouth is on his neck, unsteady and leaving a wet trail. But as Remus gasps and twitches, his cock jerking untouched against his stomach, Sirius licks the long shuddering line of his neck and kisses him.

: :

There are a few words muttered into sweaty skin, but mostly they are silent between the tangled sheets. Now that he has learned to speak Remus is scared to say anything. It could and will mean so much. But Sirius saves him the trouble.

"I'd say this has been a successful seduction."

Remus freezes. And tries not to unleash all the doubt that until now he has kept carefully under control.

"Nothing like that. Silly Moony."

Sirius's mouth is soft against his cheek. The blood that hasn't yet settled starts moving again in his veins.

"But you know. You're hard to get. Hard to get to bed, although, actually…well, anyway, but harder to get to admit anything. Like what you want. Or even that you might want something. You're a difficult man, Moony. So I had to be stealthy."

Remus starts to feel dizzy again, but bites his lip to gain control of his thoughts. Sirius watches with interest and bends down to lick Remus' abused lip.

"Since when have you been planning this?"

Remus is pleased to hear his voice doesn't waver that much.

"Since Prongs' engagement thing. When I first saw you with dear _Tom_. Reckoned you wouldn't respond well to me just hauling you over my shoulder and having my wicked way with you there and then. So I had to think of something else."

"Are you saying that all the time that you were accusing me of taking advantage of you, of leading you on, you were actually…"

Sirius grabs him by the waist as he tries to get up. Remus lifts his hands to push Sirius away, but Sirius takes hold of his wrists, presses them to his lips, and leans forward so that Remus and his hands are trapped beneath Sirius.

"No. Not like that. But I had to do something, something to shake you up so you wouldn't just decide you were misunderstood and unloved like you usually do, and you do do that Remus so don't give me those reproachful Prefecty eyes. And the only way to get you out of yourself is to make you angry, which, ok, I do fairly well, but also to make you feel guilty. And you seemed quite eager to take advantage of me. Who knew, all those years of pent up frustration…"

"Bastard."

Sirius is serious for a moment, but then his mouth begins to curve and Remus knows he's not going to be able to resist that open, delighted smile.

"What would that make you then?"

Remus decides he's not going to say another word that night. But there are other ways of saying what he wants, and from the way Sirius' breath catches when Remus reaches up and drags his teeth along Sirius' collarbone, he knows that Sirius understands what he means, and that he means to say it.


End file.
